In Malaysia.

Date Mon, 01 Jul 2002 12:32:08 +0000
From Add Sender to Address Book
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Subject Hello from Malaysia


Hello my dear friends,

remember me?

I am pleased to report that I am fit and healthy and enjoying my
journey immensely. I am currently in Malaysia. I have spent the
last few weeks exploring big cities, hiking through ancient rain
forests, SCUBA diving pristine coral reefs, strolling through vast
tea plantations and sipping Singapore Slings at the bar of The
Raffles Hotel. I have been bitten by mosquitoes, sand flies,
leaches, bed bugs and cleaner fish but it was the bill at the Raffles
bar that hurt the most.

Prior to entering Malaysia I spent two months in Indonesia and only
two weeks into my trip I became somewhat ill. I suffered from one of
the many nasty side effects that are attributed to the anti-Malaria
medication that I was taking. Luckily I was staying with my family
at the time and they took very good care of me. I soon got better so
I promptly took part in a hike up and into a spectacular, sulphur
spitting volcano. I visited a number of volcanoes in fact as they
are sprinkled liberally all over Indonesia. Waterfalls are also
quite abundant, each with their own personality. One waterfall was
particularly special and sitting inside this stone cave filled with
swirling winds and flying water was one of the most magical moments
of my life.

I devoted much of my time in Indonesia to my family (and they devoted
much of their time to me for which I am very grateful). I have only
met my father's relatives on a handful of occasions in the past and
relished the opportunity to spend more time with them. I made four
new friends in my cousin's young children and we spent many hours
playing together.

I have made many new friends along the way. So many interesting
people; locals, travellers and some people that fall somewhere in-
between. Some of these people plan to visit Australia in the future
so let me know if you would like to meet some interesting people and
I will steer them in your direction.

In the next few days I will move northward to Thailand which I very
much look forward to.

I miss you all and hope that this e-mail finds you in good health and
good spirits.

Regards, Ben

A less confident man.

Last night I made the revelation, or had the realisation that it isn't really me against some external foe. I always *knew* it. But every different context feels different. When I am eating, it feels like it is me v. my meal. When I finish eating, it feels like it is me and my new food energy v. the big, bad World. When I go to the toilet, it always feels like I am competing against someone else (don't ask me how). But last night I just *knew* that it was me fighting against Giovani (yes, I gave it a name, it makes it easier to identify). In short, I have an internal battle on my hands. That is tough because I can't really see what's happening. People who have had cancer or have been told that they have, or will develop, a similar internal disease will understand. You just can't see your enemy. The 'medication' doesn't help either. I am sure that I'm not myself when I am on drugs. I am a bit 'crazy'!

On the news, I see people die unexpectedly every day. Whether by car crash or hunger in Syria or the Sudan. And I feel sorry for them. Often their death is quite traumatic for their loved one's. My case is slightly different in that we know that I am going to die ... at some stage, probably sooner rather than later, we just don't know when! The question is, what do I do with myself until then? It is that old chestnut, I have a crisis of purpose and don't know what to do with myself. There isn't much that I can do without help. I shower, I go for a lap around the lake, I waste a lot of time with Google+ and Pintrest. I spend a lot of time thinking about what I am going to eat. But I don't really *do* anything.

Anyway, it's me against me ... or at least me against Giovani. To see whom will outlive who. I have tried digging him out (thank you Charlie), and I have tried burning him out ( thank you Professor Smee) and I have tried poisoning him out (thank you Dr. Wheeler). But none of that has worked mainly because Giovani is growing into healthy brain tissue, rather than around it. That makes Giovani harder to treat. Giovani is growing into important brain tissue too so we can't just hack bits out like you can in other parts of the brain.

In any case, my battle is now mainly mental. I need to justify my daily existence. My good friend recently posted that "The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and obvious and so simple." - Alan Watts. But I am not content with simply being alive. It is easier when I have a 'good' day like today. I still don't get anything done but I guess I *do* feel more content about it. It's all I have though ... stayin' alive that is. I am unlikely to get better so it's a matter of staying alive for as long as possible. This is not really much fun. Especially when staying alive is so much hard work. Don't get me wrong ... I am in no hurry to die and I do enjoy all of your visits . I just get a bit bored with my simple existence. I probably think about it too much. Yes ... I probably do.

I think that I'll have a cup of tea and watch some TV. In the mean time I'll post an email from Malaysia. Enjoy!

A confident young man.

It wasn't until I was about twenty three years of age until I felt 'grown up'. Until then I had felt like I was an over-aged teen let loose on the World. But all of a sudden, I felt comfortable in my own skin. I had been paying my own bills and the like for years, I don't know what brought on the change. It changed the way I saw the World and it definitely changed the way I went to work. You could say I had a 'quarter-life crisis'. I began to question the point of my job and while I continued to do it properly, I did so with less and less enthusiasm. I would go to work dressed in jogging shoes and every hour or so I would go for a jog around the block to clear my head.

I was determined to finish my undergraduate degree at university but had really lost any enthusiasm I once had to progress up the scale to become CEO one day. I gave my boss about a year's notice that I was going to quit upon graduation and told him that I had little interest in continuing to assist accountants to do their job who were just doing their bit to keep afloat a large, publicly-owned, multi-national company.

I distracted myself with my house when I could. I pulled up the carpet and polished the floor boards (a job that I did with plenty of friends and lots of enthusiasm). I went for a voyage on the Young Endeavour youth training ship. I joined the North Wollongong surf life saving club and volunteered to be its registrar. I played a lot of hockey and won my team's 'players player' award. And then I finally decided to go. To leave. And this is how I announced it.



Date Mon, 4 Mar 2002 16:12:45 +1100
From Add Sender to Address Book
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Subject Benjamin's adventure - An introduction


Buenas dia Amigo.

For some time now, I have harboured a desire to leave my job and visit
places far away. For too long my desire has been without substance but now
I have decided to act. I have tendered my resignation, dusted off my
backpack and will soon be starting out on an adventure that I hope will
take me all around the world. The first major milestone of my journey was
last Friday, the 1st of March. On that day I handed in my laptop and ID
card and was relieved of the burden of regular pay cheques. On (or about)
Saturday, the 13th of April I will be leaving Australia.

I plan to be 'away' for two years, starting in Indonesia where I will spend
some time with my Father's family. From Indonesia I will follow a fairly
leisurely and flexible itinerary that will take me through S.E. Asia,
China, Nepal, Mongolia and then to Vladivostok in Russia where I hope to
catch the Trans Siberian railway to Moscow. Moscow will be my gateway to
Western Europe where I will wander for some time before I visit friends in
the UK for Christmas. Armed with a working holiday visa I hope to gain
employment sufficient to pay for food and lodgings throughout the three
wintery months that I must wait before I can return to the Shengan
territories (the non-UK E.U. nations). I will return to Western Europe and
then wander down to Egypt via Morrocco and the other Mediterranean nations
of North Africa After this, my already vague plans deteriorate into pure
speculation I will visit Canada and visit the USA and Mexico on
my way towards Central and South America.

Between now and the 13th of April, I will complete my 'express Spanish'
lessons, have my wisdom teeth removed and take some sailing lessons (as
well as attend to other, less exciting matters such as preparing a tax
return, organising insurance and selling my house).

In order to celebrate my departure from 2 Greenhill Ave I am holding a
'House Cooling Party' on Saturday the 6th of April. On this day I will be
throwing open the doors of 'Casa de Lax' and you are all welcome to join me
for a day of good food, good friends and good fun. I realise that many of
you are simply too far away to visit but if you are in the neighbourhood
please drop by to say hello. The festivities will run all day, from the
moment I wake (or am woken) till the wee hours of Sunday morn so you can
visit for a minute, an hour or all day. Tapas (consisting of many small,
tasty morsels of food) will be served all day accompanied by beverages and
music. In keeping with the strong tradition of house coolings this will be
a strictly non-gift event however you are welcome to bring food or drinks
with you. Further traditions dictate that all attendees must arrive with
at least one piece of silly clothing. This funky garment, ornament or
accessory must be worn at least until you are greeted by the host but may
be discarded as soon as this pleasantry is complete.